My Immortal
by Nonnihil Scelestus
Summary: These wounds wont seem to heal, this pain is just to real, there's just too much that time cannot erase.


Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, or 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.

**My Immortal**

He sat next to her grave. It was cool, the wind cut through his clothing to his skin, but he refused to leave. He still felt her presence in his life. Little things would remind him of her. He would catch a whiff of her perfume; see someone with the same color hair. He'd even seen someone with a similar face. It had been so hard to stay away that day.

She'd left wounds on his heart, ones that refused to heal. It seemed like he was in constant pain. He couldn't forget her, couldn't move past her. He didn't want to erase her completely. He still needed her in some small way, to remind him that he was still alive.

She was always so captivating. She resonated with light and life. But in her death, he was bound to the life she'd left behind. Without her there was nothing else.

He slept less these days. Her face haunted his dreams. He saw her death over and over again. It played like a broken movie reel in his mind, that day, that rooftop, that moment. He'd never had pleasant dreams, not until she'd walked into his life, but they vanished with her.

He could still hear her voice in his mind, her soft laugh caressing his ears, like she was standing right next to him. He had to catch himself sometimes, to keep from turning to look for her, expecting to find her at the desk Ziva occupied. Twice in the last week, he'd gone to get coffee and come back with one for her, just like he used to. When she was alive. The words hurt. They stabbed like shards of broken glass into his heart.

He knows that she's gone, and he's tired of having to sit at her grave and mourn her passing. It makes him angry sometimes, when he sits there, to be close to her, how helpless he feels without her, how much he depended on her without noticing. He gets angry that she left him behind in a cruel world without her. Then he gets angry with himself for being angry with her. It's an endless cycle.

He can't move forward. Her absence is like an anchor. It feels like she's there, and that she's holding all of him back, or maybe he's holding himself back because he doesn't want to let her go. It doesn't matter anymore really.

Raindrops hit the top of his head, and begin to roll down his face. He hadn't noticed the grey clouds rolling in or the drop in temperature. He can't remember how long he's been sitting there, but he's past caring. The rain is icy and he knows he should get up and get in his car and drive home, but he's not ready to leave her just yet. The sprinkling drops turn into a downpour and for a minute he imagines that the rain is her tears, crying for him from heaven, because he cant seem to cry them himself.

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds wont seem to heal_

_The pain is just too real _

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream Id fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

_You used to captivate me by your resonating mind_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice chased away all the sanity in me_

_These wounds wont seem to heal _

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of these years_

_You still have all of me_

_I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me _

_I've been alone all along_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of these years_

_You still have all of me_


End file.
